Short Funny Birthday Quotes I always limit my budget on buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me as a gift on my birthday. Enjoy your gift of nothing!
Short Funny Birthday Quotes
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you
one.
May your Facebook wall be filled with birthday wishes from people you’ve never met, haven’t seen in years, or genuinely couldn’t
care less about.
On your birthday don’t forget to set goals that are sky high and spend the rest of the year miserably trying to build a rocket to get
there.
You’re a really hard individual to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas!
Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
It is scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
Right, let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night 😉
General Funny Birthday Wishes
Happy birthday! Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their life in order?
Congratulations on getting slightly older!
Well done – you have still been alive for several years!
Well done – you have still been alive for several years!Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!
Birthdays are like spotting Bigfoot. You really do want to see them but you’re a little afraid of what they’ll look like…
If you look back through all the years you’ve lived, the first thing you’ll notice is that you need a telescope.
Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!
At least you’re not as old as you will be next year… if you make it!
If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!
Yes, we have reached that age… when every compliment we get is usually followed by ‘for your age’. You’re still looking great
though… for your age!
As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.
Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your cake.
We all knew this day was coming. It’s best to just suck it up and accept it’s no longer acceptable for you to eat a happy meal in
public.
Don’t worry about your age… alcohol will make it all better!
I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.
Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now who’s laughing?
Another year older and you’re one step closer to getting those Velcro shoes!
Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!
Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes.
Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get.
Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.
There’s really only one true birthday. The rest are simply anniversaries of the day of a person’s birth.
Birthdays are like vacations. You don’t have one too often and they come and go too quickly.
The old pessimist focuses on his growing number. The old optimist focuses on his growing blessings.
Getting older is just part of life… and the other parts are even worse.
The older you get, the more disoriented your hair gets. Once it leaves your head, it seems to get lost.
I’m sorry my birthday wishes are belated—I honestly didn’t think you’d live this long. Happy birthday!
Sorry I wasn’t there with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
It’s not your fault, buddy. No one can help the fact that you’re growing old, and that I totally forgot… Happy belated birthday!
You’re amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent – but don’t get too excited. I’m only saying all these things because
I’m a couple of days late! Happy birthday!
It wasn’t my fault… Facebook forgot to remind me about your birthday!
Rude Birthday Messages
It’s so tough to believe that you are getting older, that I decided to wish you a happy birthday late this year.
Sorry I missed your birthday… hopefully you’ll have another one next year…
May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex-lovers. Happy birthday!
It’s your birthday, the anniversary of the day you triumphantly escaped from your mother’s womb. So, that’s pretty cool.
They say take every birthday with a grain of salt. I say take it with a whole bunch of salt, and bonus points if it accompanies a very
large margarita. Make yours a double. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! I hope you celebrate this birthday the way you celebrated the first one, naked and screaming.
Forget about the past you can’t change, the future you can’t predict, and definitely forget about the present because I didn’t get
you one. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! May your heart today be as full as your Facebook wall will be with birthday messages from people you’ve never
spoken to.
Everyone gets to be young once. Today it’s official, your turn is over. Happy birthday!
Friends celebrate friends on their birthdays. Real friends get you drunk on your birthday. Good thing for you I’m the second kind.
It’s your birthday, you know what that means. Time for you to smile awkwardly while friends and family botch your birthday song.
Good times!
I mean, you have ME so I don’t know what else you have to wish for…but go off I guess…Happy birthday!
Wow, another year under your belt. Just let me know how old we’re telling people you are now ???? Happy Birthday!
I’m one boob, you’re the other boob and together…we’re breast friends! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to a woman who never ceases to amaze me. Some days your brilliance knows no bounds. Other days you can’t
find your keys because you put them in the fridge. You’re unbelievable!
Happy birthday! Stay golden, girl ????
Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!
Happiest of birthdays to she “she” to my “nanigans”!
A little advice on your special day, there is no shame in the Botox game. Happy birthday!
On your birthday I thought I’d just let you in on a little secret.
One minute, you’re young and fun. The next, you have a favorite burner on the stove. I think we both know which you are…Happy
birthday!
It’s your party and you’ll cry if you want to; however, I don’t recommend it. You’ll ruin your makeup, and we will be taking a lot of
pictures tonight. Happy birthday!
A quick reminder on your special day… well-behaved women rarely make history. So, this year, let’s go ever crazier! Happy
birthday!
Some call it grounds for a stint in the mental hospital, we call it your special sparkle ???? Happy birthday!
If we were living back in Salem in 1692, you totally would have been deemed a witch. And so would I. It’s why we click so well.
Happy birthday witchy!
I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday! For your special day I made you a cake. BOOM YOU’RE A CAKE! You’re so very welcome.
If you got stung by a jellyfish, I would totally pee on you. That’s how much you mean to me bro. Happy Birthday!
Another year together has come and gone. What ever would I do without you? Not open jars, that’s for sure. Happy birthday man!
On the occasion of your birthday, here are some words of wisdom just for you. Make sure to keep on smiling, while you still have teeth! Happy birthday old-timer!
Happy birthday! It’s a big one! (That’s what she said.) ????
Thanks for being such a great guy! Great big, that is. Happy birthday!
Out of all the men born on this day, I like you the best! (Well, I like you alright, “best” is a strong word.) Happy Birthday!
It’s your special day! Treat me! Oops, I mean yourself. Treat yourself! (But also me.) Happy birthday!
You’re how old?! Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a very happy birthday.
It’s OK to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I’ve already alerted the fire department.
You know, they say that age is all in your mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.
Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.
You might be prehistoric, but at least you’re not extinct!
Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years… wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?
When I have a birthday, I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
Funny Birthday Quotes
Happy Birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.
I wouldn’t say you’re old… you’ve just been young for longer than most of us.
Don’t grow up… It’s a trap!
Great news! …you’re still alive!
You’ve got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome… if you could remember any of it.
You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year
Personalize these Happy Birthday funny wishes with the age of the person.
The tragedy of getting old: So many candles… so little cake.
Technically you’re not 50. You’re only $49.95, plus tax!
They say you lose your mind as you grow older… what they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it much!
Age doesn’t make you forgetful: having too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful!
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
~ Jack Benny
Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.
~ Stanislaw Lec
Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.
~ Helen Hayes
I’ve reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
.
.How does NASA organize a birthday party? They planet.
What kind of music is scary for birthday balloons? …pop music!
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until the doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I always get this warm feeling on my birthday – people won’t stop toasting me.
Why did the teddy bear refuse a slice of birthday cake? He was already stuffed.
You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well pee while I’m here.”
The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
Did you hear about the [insert age] year old who was still cool? Yeah, me neither.
Do you know why candles are always put on top of birthday cakes?
Because it’s far too difficult to put them on the bottom.
You know you’re old when you turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic.
You know you’re old when getting lucky means a short wait in the doctor’s office.
You know you’re old when you have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize.
Oh yeah, one more year to annoy everyone you know. Happy Birthday, anyway!…
I hope you have low expectations for your meal and cake this year, I hear dad’s having a go at being the chef.
Happy Birthday, you’re closer to seeing another century pass.
Funny Birthday Quotes
Your LOL Message! | Funny Birthday Wishes for a Friend
One more year to pretend you’re old enough to care about people around you.
You’re not old. You’re just old enough to know better and not old enough to care.
The emergency department is on speed dial just in case you have an unexpected asthma attack blowing the candles.
Party like it’s 1959, when you could still dance and drink alcohol without ending up you to the hospital.
Remember when we stayed up late running from the law? No? Good. I don’t either. Happy Birthday, oldie!
It’s your birthday, but make sure you get all your present before you offend everyone.
Today is your birthday, the only day you’re allowed to say things that you’d regret on any other day.
Oh yeah! You’re getting closer to the age when the government sends you money every month.
Statistics show that people who live longer have more birthdays, costing us more money for presents!
If you counted your birthday in dog years, you’d now be a teenager!
Another year to kick your bucket list to the curb.
Want to look young today? Play chess with Grandpa.
Want to look young today? Go to an old age home.
You just tuned 40? Well, your mom just told me you are 43.
Your grandmother wants her walking stick back. Happy Birthday!
I can never forget your birthday. It always comes after the day you remind me of it. Happy birthday.
Happy 500th birthday, Vampire. May you stay forever young!
Do I have to remind you at your age that TODAY is your birthday? Happy birthday to you.
This birthday means it’ time to start treating your kids like gold. They’ll be choosing your nursing home soon.
It’s your birthday. The good news is that you’re only as old as you act and right now you’re in kindergarten.
I will never send you one of those greeting cards making fun about your age. I know how sensitive old folks are about their age.
Finally you’re 21 and legally able to do everything you’ve been doing since you were 14 years old.
You made it! You are now officially old! Maybe no one else has the guts to let you know, but don’t worry. In my opinion you’ll make a sexy grey fox for sure!
Another year, another birthday to organize, another headache. You better get used to headaches; they become more and more
common when pushing middle age!
You may be just a one year old baby! So you can’t read this message yet! But since we have Twitter, Facebook and the Cloud, doing this kind of thing now makes sense!
Last year it was a nice dinner at a fantastic hotel, the year before we went to Vegas, and now this year you’re just staying in? I
guess the rumors are true, old age does ruin people. Happy Birthday! Have a good one!
I never celebrate my birthday with a huge party, and you always ask me why. While tomorrow you will be surrounded by mess and a pile of huge hospitality bills, I will be enjoying a nice quiet lie in. That’s why.
If you are hung over, struggle to think clearly and suffer a terrible headache in the morning, don’t worry. It only means you’ve had one of the best nights of your life!
If you were a boy I would be telling you to have a great time, not to be shy, to be brave, talk to everyone and not to get into too much trouble! But since you’re a girl I’m obliged to remind you that talking to strangers is a bad idea. Stay away from all naughty looking boys and don’t get into any trouble at all! Enjoy!
